AILSA CHANG, HOST:
So I turned 50 this year, an age that many people, especially women, are taught to dread. But I, I was determined to barrel into this year celebrating all that I have gained in reaching this half-century of life. I planned my 50th birthday bash with the intensity of a heat-seeking missile, resolved to demonstrate to the entire world that I was so excited about this new decade of life.
But was all of that some defiant show on my part or genuine exuberance about aging? Well, to be honest, I toggle between both constantly. Like, I know this next stage of life presents daunting challenges but also beautiful opportunity. And I want to lean in to what is good, what is awesome about these next years.
And that is why I am so grateful my NPR colleague Allison Aubrey wrote a book exactly about this. It's called "Your Turn: How To Create A Midlife You Love." It's about how after years of striving and checking all the boxes, how you can make this so-called third turn in life, one that is filled with renewed purpose, true contentment and even fresh excitement. Allison Aubrey, who is usually in Washington, D.C., joins me now in person at NPR West. So awesome to have you here, Allison.
ALLISON AUBREY: It is so awesome to be here in the flesh.
CHANG: In the flesh.
AUBREY: Thank you for having me. Yeah.
CHANG: Of course. Wait, OK, so why did you feel that this was a book you had to write right now?
AUBREY: Well, first of all, I should say, welcome to midlife, Ailsa.
(LAUGHTER)
CHANG: Thank you.
AUBREY: I have very optimistically reframed midlife as 50 to 75 because, look, you know, by 2050, there will be 3.7 million centenarians walking this globe.
CHANG: Wow.
AUBREY: So we won't all make it to 100, but optimistically...
CHANG: Well, if so many of us are gonna be living until at least 100 years old, turning midlife - I mean, that means we've still got half of our lifetimes left. Is that why you decided to write this book because there's so much to still figure out?
AUBREY: There is so much to figure out. And as I looked ahead, I realized, wow, there are going to hopefully be decades where I could look beyond parenting, you know, beyond the paycheck to sort of ask these big questions of, you know, who am I now and, you know, what is my purpose in life?
CHANG: Yeah.
AUBREY: Because what I have found in interviewing 150 women is that when you can parley your strengths and talents and everything you learn on the job into something that is, you know, more heartfelt and more legacy-oriented of sort of asking, what can I give back? That is the place to put your attention.
CHANG: Let's talk about that. You go on essentially what you call a midlife curiosity tour, and you meet these different inspiring women who have each approached their third turn, as you call it, in different ways. Do you want to talk about one or two of them that especially struck you?
AUBREY: Sure. You know, I met a lawyer who opened a bookshop. I met a nurse practitioner who took lead vocals in this band in Maine. They travel up and down the coast singing. I met a shy editor who was very buttoned-down and, you know, very much the perfectionist. And her name's Joanne. And she took her first improv class...
CHANG: I love that.
AUBREY: ...In her late 50s. She's now in her 60s. She performs in two improv troupes in Washington, D.C., and she said that learning Improv gave her a new script for life, you know? She realized that when she approached all of life as yes and - saying yes to opportunities - that, you know, she was able to step into a voice that she didn't know she had.
CHANG: That is so beautiful. I have to say, after reading your book, especially after reading Joanne's story, it inspired me to think about, what can I do to activate my life and my brain and my spirit in different ways? I have resolved to take more singing lessons and to start acting class, and I am declaring this on national air...
AUBREY: (Laughter).
CHANG: ...Because I want to commit to it. Listeners, you can write to me in a year...
AUBREY: Wow.
CHANG: ...And hold me accountable if I haven't done it.
AUBREY: I love it.
CHANG: But I - you know, 'cause you and I, Allison - we reside in hard news.
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: We reside in reality.
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: And I just want to play in make believe. Can you talk about how, like, reconnecting...
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: ...With your ability to play...
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: ...Can be so good in midlife.
AUBREY: Yeah. You know, one of the most surprising bits of science that I've come across in the last couple of years is a study that came out earlier this year. I actually covered it, but quick recap - people who engage with the arts, who use the creative process during the course of their week - so singing, dancing, going to the theater - look to be aging at a slower rate...
CHANG: Wow.
AUBREY: ...Compared to people who do not engage with the creative process. And this was a really well-done study. The researchers...
CHANG: I love it.
AUBREY: ...At University College London found that the effect on epigenetic aging was as strong as exercise.
CHANG: Sign me up. You know, you also talk about the importance of who you surround yourself with. I mean, thank God for friends. I'm a woman who's not married. I don't have kids. And so my friends - they're basically my family unit.
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: And now after reading your book, I'm even more convinced that it's friends who keep me alive longer and healthier.
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: Can you talk about that, about the importance of community?
AUBREY: Yes.
CHANG: Especially in midlife and beyond.
AUBREY: Yeah, two quick points. You know, the first is, our emotions are contagious. You know, we see this time and time again, that we're sort of holding a mirror to the people we surround ourselves with. And if you're looking to be creative, if you're looking to be more positive, if you're looking to be more optimistic, surround yourself with the kind of people that you would like to be like.
CHANG: Yes.
AUBREY: You know, after interviewing more than 150 people who've made really interesting and inspiring third turns, I see there's a bit of a formula. And I think the formula goes something like this.
CHANG: Yeah.
AUBREY: Number 1, go inward. You know, when you sort of excavate your past and think about the things that, like, lighted you up when you were a kid - whether it was singing or dancing or whatever it was - like, go back to that. Then go find people who have like-minded interests, the group that is interested...
CHANG: Yes.
AUBREY: ...Or organization that's interested in the hobby or the cause you're interested in. So that second step is, you know, outwards. So the first step inward, then outward, and there you go. There's sort of the formula to move forward.
CHANG: So, Allison, how much has writing this book helped you personally evolve? Like, has willing this book...
AUBREY: Yeah.
CHANG: ...Into existence reflected in and of itself your own third turn, like, important growth for you?
AUBREY: Absolutely. You know, Ailsa, I am a science reporter, and I revere the scientific process - right? - the idea that you can ask a question and then answer it with the scientific method. But I also realized that when I looked in the mirror, the questions I was asking myself - like, who am I now? What's happening to my body? What is my purpose? - they couldn't be answered with the scientific method. And what I learned writing this book is that you have to make space for both the head and the heart, right?
CHANG: Yes.
AUBREY: I am never going to dispense with looking for evidence for things. In fact, every tool in this book to help you find your way forward - they're all evidence-based tools, and I love that, absolutely love that. But now I can make space for wisdom. Now I have learned how to listen to my heart again, how to listen to my intuition.
CHANG: I love that. Allison Aubrey's new book is called "Your Turn: How To Create A Midlife You Love." Thank you so much for this conversation and for coming into NPR West, Allison.
AUBREY: Ailsa, my heart is full. This has been amazing. Thank you.
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