MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:
It's almost Christmas. Some of us have already got everything wrapped, stockings stuffed, dinner prepped. But some of us - and you know who you are - are probably just getting around to maybe thinking about going out shopping today - tomorrow, even. Mike Albo is one of those people. He's a writer and comedian whose new essay in New York Magazine's The Strategist is called A Last-Minute Shopper's Manifesto, and he's with us now to tell us why going last minute is the move. Mike Albo, welcome. Thank you so much for joining us.
MIKE ALBO: Thank you. Happy holidays.
MARTIN: Well, happy holidays. So you say that not long ago, you were a considerate holiday shopper, but now you have changed. Why is that?
ALBO: I used to. I'm not joking. I had my daily planner, and starting as early as January, I would keep a list of observations of different friends and family and be like, oh, she likes the color red. Oh, they're going vegan - I don't know, anything, any little detail. And then I would think the entire year about what I could get them. But it kind of backfired on me 'cause I would get, like, a tube of hand cream and feel really resentful. So I know it's said, better to give and receive, but when you get a tube of hand cream, it's really not that good of a feeling.
MARTIN: You say in your essay, now I see what I should have always known. It's better to grab your gifts and go, like they're sandwiches at Pret a Manger. OK, really?
(LAUGHTER)
MARTIN: Why is that better?
ALBO: It's better because you don't have to give yourself pressure. You can just get something and give it and then feel like it's all even-steven. Do you know what I mean?
MARTIN: No, I don't know what you mean because I'm a before-you. I am one of those people who's keeping a list, checking it twice all year long. I'm before-you. I do know a you now, but tell me why is that better?
ALBO: You have to make some decisions about what you're doing. If you do give gifts at the last minute, either you have to give them with a price tag on them and be like, hey, look, I just gave you a gift card for $10. I spent $10 on you, or here's a bottle of wine with the price tag still on it. Or you have to be very meaningful with your gift and be like, look at this incense. I just bought you. I'm not going to tell you it's from the rest stop that I just was at, but it's really good incense.
MARTIN: So you have to have a good story around it.
ALBO: Yes. You have to sort of suffuse it with meaning.
MARTIN: So what's the best way to shop for a present on Christmas Eve?
ALBO: If you're coming from out of town, you can pick up a pine cone, and people will think you're just the most amazing person. So anything lying around that's meaningful or looks meaningful from your area works really well.
MARTIN: I take it you're not, like, a baker. You're not one of these folks who's, like, baking the mini loaves of cranberry bread?
ALBO: No. No one wants my baked goods.
MARTIN: (Laughter).
ALBO: No. You know what? Well, this is sort of like a housewarming gift, but lately, I've been giving pomegranates, and that looks really meaningful. You know, it's very Greek god to be like, here's a pomegranate. It means abundance. You know, when you give it to somebody, you have to sort of give it with both hands and look like you're doing it really meaningfully, and then that'll add some sort of magic to the orange that you just gave them.
MARTIN: One pomegranate. You're just going with one.
ALBO: Yeah.
MARTIN: Just one.
ALBO: Just one pomegranate.
MARTIN: Just one.
ALBO: You just got to hold it with both hands. That's the most important thing.
MARTIN: OK, I need you to call us next week after Christmas and tell us how it went when you handed out the pomegranates, OK?
ALBO: (Laughter) I will absolutely do that.
MARTIN: Mike Albo is a journalist, author and comedian. His most recent book is "Hologram Boyfriends: Sex, Love, And Overconnection." We're talking about his essay in The Strategist called A Last-Minute Shopper's Manifesto. Mike Albo, thank you so much for talking to us.
ALBO: Thank you.
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